Previously as a Her Campus writer, most of my articles were centered on attempting to dethrone the male-dominance that girls everywhere have been absorbed in. Here, on There She Goes, I focus more on using my platform to promote self-growth rather than growth that only comes from learning about managing others’ behaviour. Now, ironically, not writing as many boy-centred articles, I feel like I’m practicing what I constantly used to preach more than ever.
I’m sure we’ve all heard of the golden rule; ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. I feel like I had this engraved in my brain ever since primary school. Posters in my classrooms that were set as reminders that if you wanted to be treated with kindness and respect, you should set that kind of example for others. While rediscovering this simple guide to life, I’ve been applying it in a less general sense of how to treat others, but more specifically, how to treat boys. My friends in my hometown and at my Canadian University I feel once saw me as the type of girl that prioritized the male gaze, making sure that I answered texts at the perfect time, or often ‘too soon’, and someone who cared how I was viewed above anything else. Today, my friends here in England view me the exact opposite. Perhaps, while starting this 'new life', I finally lost the need in my life to be liked by men. More rewardingly so, I’ve found empowerment not by being unkind by any means but by mirroring the actions boys have once gotten away with and returning their own actions to them. Now, I prioritize empowering myself and my girl friends who often think that they have to ‘play nice’ and protect the peace of those who serve no true purpose in their life. When in reality, they should be learning the importance of protecting their own.
As a former people pleaser and romantic, I used to crave being known as the ‘nice girl’. I rarely wanted to ruffle feathers and found peace in being polite, even if it put my self-worth on the line. What I’ve come to learn is that your kindness and respect towards others is a privilege that should be earned. However, I do feel politeness is a given. Politeness in the sense that you smile and say hello when walking past someone who continues to show you bad patterns of behaviour, but still not going out of your way to make conversation and be extra about things you know neither of you care to speak about. Constantly keeping in mind that, if someone has shown you once that they don’t want you, don’t create opportunities to make them show you again. I fear that what you think is you ‘being nice’, often opens doors for your 'kindness' to be taken advantage of and your emotions to be tempered with.
One thing that boys have mastered is the art of seemingly not caring. But, lucky for us, girls, it’s not particularly hard to pick up on. The biggest secret I think we’ve known all along is that those who give the ‘don’t care’ attitude really care the most. Whether it’s texting you after a night out asking why you never came up to talk to them, after ghosting you, or leaving you on delivered for so long until you finally leave them on open and have them questioning why you ‘stopped answering’. The ‘me’, now, wants to respond to those frankly mind blowing questions by saying; ‘why would I?’. While I understand it takes a while to come to this level of unbothered and it may pain you a little to give boys a taste of their own medicine in the littlest of scenarios, what you are really showing them is not that you are 'unkind' but rather that you are confident in how you should be treated!
Previously, I had found myself constantly forgiving and letting things that genuinely bothered me slide. Too often staying up until 4 am waiting for a bare minimum response or even romanticizing what I can clearly see now as toxicity. I am here breaking the news to you that, although it seems fun right now, playing games gets old really quickly. I write this article in hopes of reaching the girls who were just like me a few years ago, falling for traps of temporary satisfaction that lead to emotional manipulation, and giving people the time of day because you would ‘feel bad’ if you hurt them. I can promise you that no man who leaves your texts on delivered for hours and keeps you up until 4 in the morning ever feels bad for making you question whether they like you or not. What we instead should be doing, is questioning if we even like them, and if we feel the need to give them our time. Seriously, think about that guy you’re talking to right now, name three things you like about him that aren’t superficial (he makes me laugh also isn’t a valid answer). If you can’t think of any, your answer is right in front of you.
It’s that time in your life where you need to be picky, stop wasting your time on boys that see you as a time filler. It’s all about the balance between having fun and figuring out what you really want. Figuring out what you want doesn’t have to be serious, but it should bring you to enter and leave situations feeling fulfilled in some way. Having fun should be spending time with someone who makes you feel like you can be yourself. Someone that your friends don’t cringe at when you bring up their name, and someone who shows mutual respect for your time and sees you as the first option, not a backup. Because even though we say we don’t care and oftentimes aren’t ‘looking for anything serious’, no one has fun being manipulated. I’ve learned that ‘having fun’ and relationships in general should be easy. You shouldn’t be stressed that he’s not replying; you shouldn’t be waiting for him to start conversations. Be ‘the man,’ and either start the conversations that you wait for or walk away and realize that in a cliche yet all too true way if he wanted to treat you a certain way, he would. Until then, be the girl who knows her limits and set boundaries. Boundaries that leave you feeling that no one could rupture your level of unbothered, or have you questioning what you deserve. And please, don’t be shy to give out what you often receive, everyone deserves a little taste of their own medicine!
Talk soon,
Gracee
Comentarios