Something that has always rubbed me the wrong way is the overcompensation that boys use when referring to someone as “crazy", as if he thought she was meek when he met her. I fear that boys often disregard the fact that half the crazy the girl obtained was probably induced by their behaviour. Whether they like to believe it or not, and whether the girls want to admit it right away, crazy girls know they’re crazy, and I fear there’s a pattern that boys fein for it. Reflecting on my past, I can say that perhaps I have been that girl at times, as most of us have. Whether you’re obsessively awaiting a text back or scheming a borderline calculated “bump” into them on a night out. We look back on them as not necessarily proud moments but still moments. Although often boys catch on to this “crazy” they label girls as, however, I wonder if they've ever come to think that girls know exactly what they're doing, or instead question what made her this way.
Humblingly, not right away have I realized that calling him 5 times in a row after no response probably won’t get me to the top of his list of possible contenders; I now understand that while I was doing those things, the next day I had realized exactly what I had done to get this all too relatable title. It seems that nowadays, more than ever, girls have embraced their “craziness” and used it as a form of empowerment. There definitely comes a particular personality type when the girl who gets called crazy just decides to show you precisely what you think she is; sometimes feeling more empowered in the moment than what they'll be thinking days later.
The game of asking a boy what happened with his ex-whatever she was, and why things ended has always been my favourite. I’d say 75-80% of the time, the response results in “she was crazy.” I chuckle at that response or, at times, play along to hear what the boy will elaborate on as to why he thinks she got this way. Often, I want to share the deprecating news that maybe you responding to her simple questions in a narcissistic tone, not replying to her as a punishment for your actions, or doing something you know wouldn’t make her feel good just to spite her might just make up the secret recipe of “crazy.” At times, I secretly wish that when people used the word “crazy” to describe actions, they understood we knew we were. I’m not one to justify the actions that caused this label while also often not proudly using the term myself to describe behaviour that just doesn’t sit right with me. However, there is a part of me who wishes it was more normalized to accept the trauma responses that result in labels. In turn, we should try getting down to the actual problem of why girls get that way instead of immediately turning to shame.
Overcompensation, I’ve learned, has been one of my first red flags when a boy tries to appeal to what they think I want to hear. “I just don’t see a point in getting angry” is one that once again brings me to chuckle, as it’s often said after he brings up his “crazy” ex-girlfriend. Let me just say that “crazy” has no gender, and I fear it takes crazy to know crazy most of the time. The coverup for your actions, often at times leading to an inspirational or biblical quote posted on social media, after behaving in a way that we all know won’t send them to where they want to go. Reflection and observation help the “crazy” girls regain the power to show you precisely what you think they are, knowing exactly what they’re doing, just for the fun of seeing a predictable reaction. Toxic? perhaps, but I'll call it fair game. Luckily, all of this “crazy” talk is avoidable; stay away from crazy-inducing behaviour, and if you think about double snapping or calling back for the 5th time, just don’t.
Talk soon,
Gracee
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