My good friend said to me recently, "Gracee, do you think you're going to find someone like you?" bluntly insinuating, "How are you going to find someone to put up with you?". While laughing it off, it's fair to say most would take this as an insult. However, I took it as a sign. Have I become so myself beyond measure that I make people wonder if someone will ever truly match my energy to its full capacity? While I wonder this myself at times, I chuckled thinking that some people feel the need to be anything BUT themselves to be perceived in a way they think makes them appealing to others. Instead of making this 'insult' about me, I felt a sense of empathy for people afraid to be content in their shells.
I turned 21 yesterday and ran into one of my friends, who asked me the typical birthday question; 'So... do you feel any older.' To which I responded, strangely for the first time 'yes', walking away cinematically with a extra little pep in my step. Something about aging makes me feel so hopeful for the future. It seems like as you get older, for me, specifically when I turned twenty, I had so much more appreciation for birthdays. I feel this extra sense of pride and love being able to enter a decade where some consider it to be the best of their lives. The over-the-top themed birthday parties I graciously experienced as a kid slowly turned into house parties with questionable decisions, awaiting validation from my peers, to now, finding the happy medium between still being able to have fun, letting loose and being my eccentric self while also bringing myself back to earth and going out for dinner sufficing vodka shots with a singular glass of wine. Aging really helps you perfect the art of balance.
Last year, I thought twenty was going to be my best year yet. I set out expectations for myself for the adult era I was entering; some expectations I met, and some that the universe told me I needed a little longer to tackle. With that, I'm choosing to go into this year with less expectations of what I think I 'should' be doing and accomplishing and more manifestations to create the life I'm yearning for and deserve.
I've fallen down a rabbit hole of listening to The Mel Robbins podcast. If you haven't listened to her, I highly recommend (She's basically me in 30 years). She goes into detail, explaining how she had wished she'd experienced her youthful years differently—not worrying about silly things like temporary satisfaction, validation from others, and unrealistic body expectations. She also shares her secret to manifesting, which particularly resonated with me. Comedic genius Jake Shane and Mel shared a candid conversation about how our brains are really the 'For You Page" or "Chat GBT" of what we truly think of ourselves - analyzing and curating what we think into how we portray ourselves in the real world. What we don't realize, myself included, is that we are constantly feeding information into our subconscious mind about what we think of ourselves. Whether that's tearing yourself down for the comedic relief of others, tugging at your sides in the mirror wishing you hadn't had that ice cream cone last night, or frankly just doubting that you're not deserving of your accomplishments and the life you're living.
I've come to learn that the way you think of yourself is a reflection of how you behave. I want to make the conscious decision in this decade of my life to feed my subconscious mind manifestations of what I want to attract, rather than hyper-fixating on deprecating thoughts of what I don't have. For example, instead of complaining about my 'lack of luck' in relationships, and elaborating extensively on how I've been disappointed, I want to speak into existence what I am looking for. I am looking for an equal, someone who learns from their mistakes and is actively looking to become better, while also helping me become better. Sounds simple enough right? ... Perhaps, in addition to manifesting, I want to place importance on become my best self and to stop using the areas of myself where I need to improve as excuses like 'bad luck'. That is the beauty of getting older. We can finally understand that all of the 'mistakes' that were made into lessons didn't happen because the universe hates us, it's because the universe wanted us to realize what we didn't want, in order to start manifesting what we need.
Growing up and entering this new chapter of life, I want to be gentle with myself while still holding myself accountable to improve in parts of my life that could use an upgrade - I've finally let go of my need for perfection. I've realized that every year is a year of evolution. Every year is an opportunity to get closer to becoming your most true, authentic self, unapologetically, no matter how others may perceive it. We're one step closer to realizing that we're not one to be 'put up with,' but rather, we're growing into the type of person that someone else will love and appreciate us for, most importantly, that someone being ourself.
Talk soon,
Gracee
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