I met my younger self for coffee today.
She walked in, flustered from her busy schedule; I walked in slightly calmer but still had my to-do list in the back of my mind.
She wore her student council hoodie and her school uniform kilt. I wore jeans and my favourite trench coat.
She ordered an iced vanilla latte with 2 blonde espresso shots; I ordered an iced matcha with almond milk.
We sat down together, both anxiously shaking our legs, perhaps not out of a negative form of anxiety but somewhat out of anticipation and excitement - which led to our first sarcastic joke about how we clearly still haven’t mastered patience.
The first thing she asked me was where I went to University. I chuckled, reminiscing about how much we prioritized academic validation. I told her we technically go to two, but we started our journey at Laurier. She shifted the conversation into asking if we made any new friends after realizing her real biggest fear wasn’t questioning if she was smart enough but rather fitting in. I told her we made a friend group of 15 girls, similar to the one we started with in high school, experiencing the same controversies and likeableness yet, in a way, being perceived equally unlikeable. Her eyes lit up with optimism, but snapped back quickly, defending her friend group in grade 9, whom she thought people just needed to get to know to learn to love. I agreed and explained to her it’s okay not to be liked by everyone, but how being kind to everyone is what truly matters. While appreciating the fiery personality she exuded when discussing those who she loved, I laughed to myself thinking of her naiveness that University isn’t just a giant, slightly more sophisticated version of high school…except at least in Uni, you’re legal drinking age.
She changed the subject, deep down knowing that she and her friends made in high school were endgame no matter what anyone had to say, while also feeling eager to meet a whole new group of best friends in the next few years.
She asked me about one of her most brain-filling topics: boys. I rolled my eyes, wishing I could have held onto that sense of innocence and romanticism in me just a little bit longer. As her impatient self does, she cut to the chase, asking if I had ever been in love. I sighed, telling her we thought so initially, but it didn’t work out. While she interrogated me, asking me what happened, I introduced her to the importance of protecting her peace and not stooping down to the level of those who wronged you…I then proceeded to tell her to stay away from hockey arenas. I could tell she didn’t understand fully and feared it was too late while listening to her blab. As I listened, cringing at the pedestal she put these boys on, I knew all too well that she was too persistent and determined not to try to make it work.
After accepting her fate, oddly excitedly awaiting the drama, before getting too concerned, I quickly changed the subject to something more fulfilling; our dreams.
I told her after two years at Laurier, we went to law school in England. She was intrigued but not surprised we wanted to get as far away from our small town as possible. I complimented her honesty but explained that we actually love coming back to our hometown now and want to settle down there eventually. Her jaw dropped to the floor. I told her that being away from home made us appreciate all it had to offer and that we’d never find a place more comforting and peaceful than our little northern community.
She smiled, secretly hoping that we’d always find our way back.
She told me to explain more about England. I told her unlike at Laurier, we prioritize school over social life. She rolled her eyes back at me, giving me a look as if I were her mother, who had just told her to be home at 10 pm on a Friday night. I told her balance is the key to success, but she already knew this. I then told her we had plans to travel the world and had already been to multiple different countries, which regained my street cred back.
She ambitiously asked me what my end goal in life was as if she was speaking to the ghost of Christmas future. My eyes widened, explaining to her I’m only four years older than her. I shared that there’s no point in over-planning the future, but rather just to live in the moment and see where life takes us. She seemed shocked at how calm and go-with-the-flow I was. I silently thanked God I had grown out of my control freak phase, that she was living in its peak years.
I asked her if she wanted to hear my end goal from a practical or passionate perspective. She looked confused yet obviously said passion, thinking those two would correlate perfectly. I told her we wanted to write, maybe become an author. She looked at me hoping I had not become one of those unrealistic and overly optimistic people, like she criticized in highschool for often being. I explained to her that we had started blogging for fun, sharing our opinions that we had finally learned to control in a more approachable and lighthearted way, while also finding passion in helping people relate to one another. She questioned why I was in law school. I questioned myself slightly in response, never fully letting go of my defensiveness while being questioned. I told her practicality will serve us far more in the first part of our adult life, and how you can still be practical and passionate in one thing while still day dreaming about a career that has seemingly zero practicality at all. She was amazed at how much I had figured out. I smiled nervously, slightly BSing to her about how much I really had figured out in order to keep her from spiralling.
I finished off our conversation by telling her that life is too short to plan every stage of your life and that when you think you have it all figured out, the Universe will listen to you and laugh. She was annoyed at my realism but agreed. Before she got up to leave, she asked me if I knew it would all work out. I smiled, telling her this was the only thing I was sure of, no matter where we ended up, leaving off by saying, ‘This is only the beginning.’
I hope we can meet for coffee again soon.
Talk soon,
Gracee
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