Long time no blog! As you may have seen by my social media platforms, I have traded out my chaotic party-filled Waterloo uni lifestyle for a more calm feeling yet equally chaotic and busy lifestyle in Brighton, England. Moving across the world has left me feeling so many different emotions. Emotions of happiness and gratitude that feel easy to express while also having difficulty feeling emotions that trigger homesickness and endless amounts of FOMO from my friends back in Canada. At times, coming across as negative and all too honest in terms of how I am feeling; I like to think I have a reasonably optimistic outlook when it comes to embracing new opportunities, especially when those opportunities lead to new friendships. Back in my hometown of Sault Ste. Marie, I've been lucky enough to have a friend group that had gotten me through high school and helped me embrace who I was while growing up. Going to University, Waterloo brought out a whole new side of social for me, which led me to make friendships with people, allowing me to be unapologetically myself while pushing me to do things to promote personal growth. Now, here I am, leaving all the goodness of friendship I've ever known, starting completely fresh. Frankly, I'd be lying if I said this experience hadn't been terrifying to follow through with.
While reflecting on my previous experiences, I've realized that my success in friendships is not conventional, and I've had annoyingly good luck in terms of maintaining and nourishing my female friendships. It's fair to say that not many people have the luxury of still being best friends with their high school friend group while also finding an equally supportive group of girls at University. I feel like I've come to a point where I've thought to myself, "Okay, I'm lucky, but I can't be THAT lucky." Coming to a new University as a 20-year-old, entering a dorm of freshers has definitely been a culture shock, to say the least. Feeling the slight PTSD that I could have a repeat of my first-year roommate at Laurier, I can gladly say that everyone I've met has been nothing but kind. However, the real struggle that I feel no one talks about when making friends at an older age is comparison and the expectation that you put on yourself to find exact replicas of your friends prior. While still maintaining screen friendships with my friends miles away, it seems impossible not to contemplate if life would go a little bit smoother if your best friends were just steps away in their room of your shared University house and if going out was as simple as texting a group chat to go to the same Thursday night bar that you're used to, knowing seemingly everyone in sight.
Starting as a "mom" type friend who would drop anything to do something for a friend, being a therapist friend while neglecting my own emotional needs, to then being the friend who at times felt the need to be taken care of, having full emotional support from friends at all times of the day. Now, being the friend who at times lacks the energy to have the persona that previous friends knew me for, it's clear to see I've been through my fair share of transformative friendship eras. While social media may perceive that I've fit right into this newly adopted lifestyle, I can humbly say it's not as glamorous as it seems. And that's okay! I've allowed myself to understand that it's healthy to not always feel in place. I don't necessarily feel like I have it all figured out, and I constantly struggle with the fear that I won't have a close relationship with those here as I formed in previous places. What's important to recognize about making friendships, I've found, is that there's no time to feel sorry for yourself and no timestamp of when you NEED to have it figured out. While having a relatively large friend group in Waterloo, I remind myself that I realistically had one true girl friend my entire first semester of first year, and it wasn't until months later that we put ourselves out there to meet the rest of our people. Strangely, making friends in your twenties, I have learned is putting yourself in your younger self's shoes, embracing your former seventeen year old self who was beaming to meet anyone and everyone with a positive attitude.
I truly believe that we are given different forms of friendships at various times in our lives for different reasons, and every friendship, whether successful or not, leads to some form of self-growth. So, prioritize saying hi to the people that pique your interest, go out with that group of girls you've just met, and if you compare friendships to others, think about how far you've come and who eventually came into your life when you truly needed it. While you may not think so now, everything that is meant to happen will, even if it doesn't follow your exact schedule of when you presumed it to happen. While patience may not be my strongest suit, there's no denying that friendship is my most significant gift in life.
Talk soon,
Gracee
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