Happy New Year, friends! I'm pleased to share that I'm back from my unintentional hiatus! I can't lie; I feel like I have slightly abandoned something that brings out so much passion in me and perhaps used excuses to justify my lack of interaction with this site, placing some inferior importance on my creativity. Taking a step back made me realize why I started in the first place: simply to create a space of relatability and rawness, allowing people to feel seen while also allowing myself to unleash the over-thinker in me into words. That said, 2024 was a year of trying new things for me. I placed importance on being 'selfishly myself', working on letting go of intense expectations I had and just started living with the intention of being.
I'm looking at 2025 as an upgraded version of 2024, a rebrand, if you will. The rebrand that not only prioritizes doing things that serve me positively, but now focusing more on the consistency that will turn weekly goals into lifelong habits. Above all, I want 2025 to be a year of self-improvement, mentally, academically and physically, all while making the conscious decision to leave necessary aspects of last year in the past.
With that, here are my five outs for 2025.
Being nonchalant
There has been an ongoing trend where people feel the need to be hidden by their lack of emotions. If you know me, you know I'm the most 'chalant' person ever. I show every emotion on my face, good or bad, unfortunately, and at times, I feel so strongly that my body has reactions before my brain can process them. Strangely enough, I used to envy people who were cold and didn't have the capacity to cry or absorb the emotions of others around them. Now, I'm changing my mindset to having gratitude for feeling everything so deeply. How lucky are we to feel so much love for someone we cry when they have something going on in their life. How lucky are we to be stressed about a degree that we worked so hard just to be able to study, and how lucky are we to feel empathy so strongly that our stomach hurts when we think about the people closest to us? Life is too short not to feel, feel it deeply and express it! Tell them how you really feel - good or bad, and always keep Gaviscon on hand just in case your body reacts before your brain can process it. No judgement here…
Excessive drinking
I used to love the casualness of over-drinking and how normalized it was in my university's culture. This out, has come out in recent maturity, where I finally have come to the conclusion that it's not fun to feel like shit and have regrets about things sober you wouldn't let pass. While it was all fun and games in first year, and less fun mostly drinking games in second year, I think it's time to normalize tipsy, or heaven forbid, sober curiosity?? This is most definitely a hear-me-out type of situation. Still, I think as we get older, for me at least, the hangovers last days, the hang-xiety lasts weeks, and the texts you send when you say you 'don't care' while having a little too much fun, just make you look and feel not how you want to portray anymore. The excitement for being ignorant and careless needs to make its exit. Dinner and drinks are in, tipsy is in, sloppy drunk and drunk texting - after a long overdue time - is most definitely out… your liver thanks you for your service.
Looking for relationships
While revisiting my Canadian university this past week, I can now say I don't miss the wild goose chase of trying to find men at bars.
Let's break this down into simpler terms.
I'd say my friends and I go to bars that are about 55%- 60% male, already losing 40% from gender alone - in my and my friend's case. Next, we're obviously looking at height (more so for my case); 40% of that 55%-60% of boys at the bar lie underwhelmingly yet predictably under 6ft. So now what? We're down to a solid 15% of choice left. 10% of the boys left have been with friends, and more realistically, friends of friends. We believe in girl code around here, so… welp, we're down to 5%!
Wait, this is great, you found one of the 5 percent that looks decent, perhaps your type, perhaps kind. You go up to him, say Hi… he looks at you up and down and says he'll 'get you next time'. You're shook (not really) by their behaviour, yet turn it into a comedic opportunity to make your friends laugh because there's no way this just happened to you. With that, we respectfully give up on the other 4%.
Ladies, the pickings are SLIM, and most of us have either bad luck or, frankly, bad taste. Let's prioritize us, our aura, our love for ourselves and our female relationships because, at the end of the day, that's what is truly going to fill your cup at this stage of life. Your best bet is to enjoy the unknown and wait for the time to come when you love yourself so much that the love you deserve falls right into your lap. Stop looking, start attracting, and please, lord, stop settling.
Anything 'casual'
I've never really been one to do anything 'casually.' As mentioned earlier, I don't really come across in a chill or nonchalant way that leads those who meet me to think I'm into any sort of casual. I once thought life would be a whole lot easier if I just let go of the standards I had for myself. When analyzing how I was 'supposed to' dress or act, I accepted just that - I'm not casual, and honestly, who wants to be? Firstly for me, when I dress like a slob, I feel like one. I don't go out of my way to dress or 'get ready' for anyone else but myself, but even if I did, what's the shame in choosing to overdress one day? There's no perfect time to wear that outfit, and no rule says you can only do your hair on days you go out. Be extra and have standards for the sole purpose that it makes you feel good.
Casual relationships are a whole different animal that has never really been my scene and has never made me feel good, as I assume most people feel yet refuse to admit. It's time we think of the real reason why we're settling for 'casual.' Do we feel like we don't deserve to be appreciated or cared for at someone's full capacity? Do we feel like showing signs of care makes us weak? …Or are we just longing for temporary satisfaction that ultimately leads to lifelong self-doubt of wondering when we'll finally be good enough? 2025 is the year that we realize we're better than casual. Dress up for yourself, and realize that your 'high standards' of men aren't actually high; they're simply just standards.
Negative self-talk
I feel like this, out for 2025, is the cherry on top of the cake for what I've mentioned above. Most of all, this year, we're being kind to ourselves. We've all been around the girls constantly complaining about their appearance, and I hate to say that I have caught myself being that girl. What's most frustrating to me is that the girls who talk the most negatively about themselves are the girls who don't understand how beautiful they really are, internally and externally. While it's obvious and normal to realize that everyone has times of insecurity - as mentioned, 2025 is the year of the rebrand.
Rebranding in a way that turns your insecure mind into a mind that yearns for change. If you hate how your hair looks one day, make it a priority to wake up early and do it the next day. If you feel insecure about your physical self, challenge yourself to go on a walk every morning or try out that new Pilates studio down the street - not with the intention to change your body, but to change the way you feel about it. Your insecurities are a mindset. A mindset that deserves recognition but, most importantly, needs change. You will never feel like your best self, staying stagnant and feeling sorry for yourself. Get up, create change, and turn your negative self-talk into action that makes you look forward to living in your body every day. And not just in your physical body but also in your mind.
Building a strong and secure mind is the key to keeping all of these 'outs' out of your life. While it might take a while to adjust to, I assure you that doing so will make you feel like your best self in every aspect. This year, it's time we held each other accountable and, most importantly, ourselves.
No, you shouldn't text him.
Yes, you do look great in that skirt.
No, he's not worth your time if he still wears skinny jeans to the bar.
Life's all about choices and mindset. No more settling, no more excuses, and certainly no more time wasted waiting for the perfect time to become your best self; the time is now!
Talk soon,
Gracee
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