Starting over, gaining new experiences, making mistakes, and hopefully learning from them all while understanding and interacting with people of all different types of personality types, I think it's fair to say I've grown out of the mindset where I cared what people honestly thought about me. Still, every once in a while, having a moment where you question yourself is normal. Second-guessing an outfit you've chosen because of who you think will be somewhere you're going still is rational (to me, at least). Everyone has moments of insecurity. But, more in a holistic sense of how I look at life, I've come to recognize moments when I once hesitated the simplest of things in my head, often wondering if I was good enough or wondering, "Should I do it, should I not" out of fear of judgment or disappointment. Today, I've recently come into a mindset that has me thinking more realistically… "Why shouldn't I?'.
The "why shouldn't I" mindset came to me just a few weeks ago, thinking of joining a team at my new school. I questioned if I was getting too old to try things I once thrived at but left behind and if I would make a fool out of myself for putting myself out there. Reading that sentence alone, I can understand now how silly that sounds. How sad is it to think you shouldn't just get up and try something new just because you can? Once I put myself out there, I came out successful and exceeded the expectations I had of myself overall while boosting my confidence in what I once thought I wasn't capable of. And that's exactly it, the proof to the pudding… if there is no true moral reason why you SHOULD NOT do something, instead of questioning your motives for doing so, it's time to question the real reasons holding you back.
With that 'why shouldn't I" mindset comes the questionable yet somehow effective tactic I've taught myself - positive gaslighting. Now, I know what you're thinking: someone who gaslights themself must have some questionable past with people that have led them to reverse self-sabotage in a way, right? While you are very true, learning how gaslighting and manipulation work has been a pivotal part of my life when discovering how to avoid personality types and situations that aren't in my best interest. It's taught me to make the most out of situations that enhance insecurity and turn them into situations handled with optimism and maturity. Instead of using lies and forms of mental manipulation as a trigger warning for my brain whenever I can sense it coming, I've reclaimed those processes and turned them into something that positively pushes me out of my comfort zone and into someone who relies on mental toughness.
While my completely delusional mind at times leads me to fabricate the most simple of situations and identify it as 'positive gaslighting,' I've found joy in romanticizing what my life could be if I just did what was making me nervous and put myself in the shoes of someone who lives with no insecurities, no limits and no negativity. I've learned to accept failure and morph it into motivation to come out successful in my next endeavour. While moving to the UK, I see myself as a more positive person, someone who is still brutally honest and tough on themselves but also someone who attempts to make the most out of every situation. I've been someone who struggles with anxiety and internal thoughts that, at times, lead me to completely spiral into thinking things that are irrational, at times being my worst critic, as I'm sure most of us can relate to. Nobody is perfect, and it's impossible to think you won't have days of doubt, hesitation and failure, questioning why you do things and wondering if you made the right choice to do something out of your comfort zone.
While questioning my sanity and anxiety-inducing thoughts, I've learned to ask myself these four questions:
Did I bother/harm anyone around me while having this experience?
Would my friends approve of this experience (or at least, is it a funny story to tell later)?
Is what I just did deprecating to myself or my character?
Did I fill my cup and gain something positive out of this experience?
If all the responses to those questions are positive, move forward, stop living in the past and learn to thank yourself for trying new things and pushing through the noise in your head that leaves you questioning who you are. The 'why shouldn't I' mindset, to me, most times, can be seen light-heartedly, presumingly not doing anything crazy for the method to be just as beneficial and effective. See a guy at a bar you like, go talk to them. Scared you won't make the team, try out anyway. Worried about starting over, take a leap and remember your worth. Nothing lasts forever, and you are only young enough once to get away with silly mistakes that result in regret. Yet, in the same sense, you are never too old to try new things that have even the slightest opportunity to bring you temporary satisfaction or perhaps, even a lifetime of joy. Life is too short to waste a day questioning what you did the days prior or setting unreasonable and deprecating standards for yourself that end up setting you back anyway. Take pride in starting over, say you love them, kiss the boy, make mistakes, fail, try again, and have the attitude that leaves people wondering how they can be just like you. Let's alter our mindsets to think, if you think you could, you probably should (as long as it's in good taste)... :)
Talk soon,
Gracee
Comments